I believe that we are put here in human form to decipher the hieroglyphs of love and suffering. And, there is no degree of love or intensity of feeling that does not bring with it the possibility of a crippling hurt. But, it is a duty to take that risk and love without reserve or defense.
There are too many changed tumblr names and I don’t recognize some of you. I’m so sorry, tumblr friends. So so sorry.
Yesterday I posted a letter to Tumblr, which I crafted after I stumbled upon this old blog and read posts about my life between the years of 2010-2012.
Those years were particularly rough for me, just as they are now, and as I sat there reading all the things I spoke about, I visibly became upset. Not because of what was written. I meant every word whole-heartedly. It was because I abandoned this blog at the exact moment I needed it the most.
At the time I stopped writing, I was newly diagnosed with gastroparesis, a disease that I still haven’t fully come to terms with two years later. Simultaneously, I was also trying to complete all of the professional and personal goals I set out for from the moment I turned 13 years old.
I still haven’t 100% reached any of my goals. But I am trying and I need this blog to carry me through it. Just like I needed my Livejournal to guide me through my teenage and college years when I was 13-20 years old. I need this more than ever now.
So enough avoiding the inevitable. I’m going to be honest and say what I feel. And I’m not doing this for anybody else. This is for me.